She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan

Author:Jennifer Finney Boylan
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780307419255
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2007-12-17T22:00:00+00:00

I hit send.

Then I picked up 113 copies of my coming out letter—which contained equal measures of Joseph Campbell, John Barth, and Ann Landers—and drove over to the post office in my small Maine town. It was a white clapboard building with a flagpole out front. The flag flapped in the strong wind. The manager of the PO, a kind, efficient Yankee named Val, nodded at me as I slid the envelopes through the brass slot for outgoing mail. Then I got back in the car and waited for the world to explode or to begin.

On the way back from the post office, I stopped off at Nick and Shell’s. My guess was, my days of playing piano in crummy bars were over.

“So,” said Shell. “Are you finally going to tell us what the fuck’s wrong with you?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Well, I’m anxious to know what’s going on. For the last year you’ve been looking like you’re dying. You know everybody’s worried about you.”

“I know,” I said. “Actually, I’m all right. But I think this means the end of my playing with the band.”

“What does?”

So I told her about the whole woman business.

At the end of which she said, “All right, you want to know what I think?”

I said yes.

She said, “I think Fuck you if you think you’re going to leave the band.”

I laughed. Then she went on. “Listen, Jenny—I can start calling you that, right?—I saw some show about this on MSNBC. I think it’s cool. You seem like a pretty brave person to me. Nick and me, we’ve always been crazy about you. We’re just glad to know you’re okay. As far as I’m concerned, you’re you, no matter what.”

I told her I was surprised she was taking it so well.

Shell said, “Why? Because we’re not college professors, because we’re just like normal working people? Listen, you don’t have to be a genius to know how to be loyal to the people you love. Your problem isn’t going to be us. Your problem is going to be those prissy little office workers at Colby.”

Nick came in carrying a brown paper bag. “What’s up?” he said.

I just shrugged and said, “I’m having a sex change.”

Nick reached into the paper bag and put a fifth of Jameson’s Irish whiskey on the table. “Good for you,” he said.

“He’s not kidding,” Shell said.

He reached into the bag again and got out a six-pack of Guinness. He opened two and handed me one. “I know,” he said.

“Listen,” Shell said. “Can you show me what you look like? As a woman? Or does it take, like, cranes and backhoes and shit?”

“I think I can give you a pretty good idea,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

I went into the bathroom and I took off my coat and my baggy overshirt and I let my hair loose and I put some earrings in my ears. I walked out of the bathroom and sat at the table again.

“Whoa,” Shell said.

Nick took a slug of the whiskey while Shell took a good hard look at me.

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